The Girl Who Taught You Kindness - Hope
This is a tricky one.
Well, lately I've been really on the fence about this "having hope" thing. Especially in the case of a break up, all my friends and loved ones gather around to tell me "he wasn't the one for you", "You deserve so much better", "You'll find someone who absolutely adores you." Now, the thing is every time I have had a break up these are the same phrases I hear. Like every single time. These are the same people that then goo and gah over the next person I'm with, chattering how happy I seem and how cute we are together.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Now I know these people only do it out of love, I don't hold any hard feeling towards them. This is the support system that keeps me going everyday and I am so thankful for their kindness but, I'm beginning to question if it's helpful or not?
Do you believe in this idea of "there is someone out there for everyone" or focus all your energy inward to help yourself through the healing process? What if there isn't someone? What if I'm some weird minded creature that just doesn't match up with any other humans brain waves? Or what if that person lives in, like, Japan and we just never cross paths? AHHHH! The panic sets in, I don't want to be alone forever! I already had a person that I adored and would of committed my life to walk away from me and now I'm suppose to believe that there's another better being out there that's going to fall head over heels for me and I with them? Ya.. okay..
Again this can easily relate to any sort of intimate bond, be it romantic or otherwise. No matter what, it's challenging going through the "death of a relationship", but we all have to do it at some point. What I'm curious about is how much should we focus on the positive and how much on the reality? (I'm using the word reality loosely because I don't necessarily believe it's negative to not believe in the whole prince charming idea.) Sure, I can listen to the people around me, put my chin up and walk around life thinking that someday I will find that special someone or thinking my favourite line "if you are meant to be together, things will work themselves out." But see, as wonderful as that is, I know plenty of beautiful people that have yet to have even a single happy relationship, let alone a lasting one. So if I do let myself cuddle up to this idea of "happy ever after" I could just be leading right into false hope and more upset.
On the other side of that, I could focus inward, pull myself off the market and just use my time on discovering who I am and what makes me happy. But, even at the young age I'm at, I'm fairly aware of who I am, I have goals of who I want to be and clear outlines of the type of people I want in my life. Unfortunately, just because I want certain people and things in my life, doesn't mean they want to be in it.
Feeling lost, confused, and curious about what level of "hope" to have I opened up the conversation with a couple of friends at work.
Firstly, they both talked about "the big break-up" that seems to happen to most everyone in their early twenties. The majority of my friend group is in their late twenties now, so as I watch them and their relationships I constantly feel like the little duck that's falling behind.
Secondly, they talked about this idea of "one person for everyone" and how unrealistic it is. There are many people out there for everyone, we all fit differently at different points in our lives. As time goes on we change and so does everyone around us. The person we dated back in gr.10 is not the same kind of person we're looking for at 30. So the person you're looking for, well they might not actually exist yet. I find this incredibly exciting and terrifying, knowing that a person could be out there not even realizing who they're going to be or that someone is going to love them for aspects yet to rise to the surface.
Thirdly, if you don't have hope, it isn't necessarily going to harm you, but you close yourself off to the world. Hope doesn't mean that what you want will happen (I want some big romantic reunion with a stereo held to my window or getting my name called just before I get on the plane, hah!) hope just keeps you open to find that new spark with someone. A person could think you're amazing, but if you're pulled away and distant how will they be able to get close to you?
So, what's better? "Reality" or hope?
I think it's a solid and individual balance. For me, life is easier with hope, it's happier. The stress and worries melt away and I am able to enjoy those little moments more. The pains still there, some days I wake up and can barely roll over I'm so full of memories, other days I spring up ready to take on the world as a sexy independent lady. I'm told it can take a very long time for that loss to evaporate, but why waste life not being excited? Why should I waste my heart on someone who didn't want to be in my life? So for now I'm going to let hope kick in, I think I'd rather float along in a blissful state of mind than allow thoughts of grief to take over. I'm still a true believer in reality, we all have those two little voices arguing in our brains, but I think it's up to what voice brings us happiness, follow that and I guarantee you'll find your balance.
- The Girl Who Taught You Kindness.