The Girl Who Taught You Kindness - Forgiveness
Today is a very special day for me. Actually, this month is a very special month. January is one of the hardest 31 days of the year for me to get through. 7 years ago I decided that this was the month that after 7 months of intense bullying and harassment, I was going to commit suicide. 5 years ago this was the month I was told I wouldn't be graduating high school. 2 years ago I was stressing about getting into the University of Wales and the financial barriers that had held me back most of my life. 1 year ago tonight, two people did something that left me feeling like a hollow shell of myself, far from home, with no support system, I disappeared into a dark place. 2 weeks ago, I lost a part of my life I never thought I'd have to live without, reshaping how I perceived by future and self love. I still don't know how to handle some of these events, but I am breathing through every moment.
So January, probably not my favourite month.
But today is special because today I decided to forgive my past. Every year goes by and I am always holding on to those situations and the people involved and how upsetting they were or are. I get angry at myself for have letting them happen, or not doing things differently. I've come to a cross roads; either I can continue to hold on to this anger, hurt, and fear or I can release all that negative energy and move on with my life. Forgiveness.
So today, I forgive myself. I have made bad decisions, I have hurt myself, I have hindered my own growth. I've also probably hurt people in ways I'm not even aware of and for anyone reading this that I have hurt, know that I am sorry. We must begin to be aware of our own downfalls in order to better ourselves.
Today, I forgive others. It is so much easier to stay mad at someone than to forgive. The people involved in these events are not bad people. They are people that made bad choices. I am not condoning their actions and I am not saying I am fulling healed but, I know everyone acts a certain way for a reason. Maybe their reasons were something I couldn't understand. So as forgiveness fills my heart I hope you are all on the same happy path.
Tonight will be an especially difficult one to get through. So I decided to check off my first bucket list item! I am making some beautiful art and a artistic version of my list to hang up and remind me everyday that no matter what is happening in my life at this moment, what pain, or fear I'm feeling, I have so many fantastic and exciting adventures to look forward to.
So to anyone reading this that's going through something, big or small. I present you with a challenge of sorts: Forgive something today. It doesn't have to be a big leap of "all is forgiven!!!" but, reach out to an old friend, don't be so hard on yourself when you mess up, let go of an event that no longer serves a purpose being held closely in your life. Forgive, let go, move on. We all deserve to do that for ourselves. Good luck. xx
- The Girl Who Taught You Kindness.